"He has ceased to be!"

     The dead parrot sketch is one of the most famous sketches produced by the British comedy group Monty Python. In it a man tries to convince a clerk that the parrot the he was told was asleep when he bought it, was, in fact, dead. While Monty Python is known for their absurd sense of humor, sometimes real life imitates their art in strange ways. At least that must be the way a man in India felt we he found out that he had been declared dead by his government while he was still very much alive.

     The fact that dead sometimes doesn't really mean dead came as a shock to Lal Bihari when in 1976 he discovered that, according to government records in his native India, instead of walking around on top of the ground, he was supposed to be six feet under it. In a bid to take over a small parcel of land, his uncle had bribed officials to declare Bihari as deceased, so that the land could be signed over to him. One would think that simply being alive would be more than enough evidence to prove that you are not dead. However, the wheels of the Indian government, unfortunately like most, turn slowly, and while he waited, one of the first things Bihari learned about being one of the dead among the living was that he was not alone.

     While he was working on his case, Bihari discovered that there were other people who like him were alive, but were officially dead. Many of them were "dead" because, like Bihari, a relative had bribed an official in order to take over their land. The reason that this became such a problem was that as the population exploded in India, the land that was there was there was being split up between more and more inheritors. Some families were left with no more that a basketball court size parcel of land to make their living on. Under pressure, some started having distant relations and other members of their family that couldn't defend themselves, such as absentee land owner's (as Bihari was), widows, the elderly and anyone else who was vulnerable declared dead. Once that was done, the land that once belonged to their family members was signed over to them.

     Seeing that there were others like himself, Bihari created the Uttar Pradesh Association of Dead People. The group hoped draw attention to themselves and have the government declare that it's members were in fact alive. Bihari tried everything he could think of to get attention for himself and his group. He organized public funerals for himself and others, ran for parliament, kidnapped the son of the uncle who had him declared dead , threatened to commit murder, insulted the judges he was called before, threw leaflets at legislators and more. Bihari tried everything he could do to get his name on the official records. In an attempt to gain some profit from the whole ordeal, Bihari tried to get his wife a widow's pension. He was denied, as the officials who had and continued to declare him dead, refused to declare his wife a widow. Finally, after 19 years, those same officials declared Bihari alive in 1994.

     While he was understandably pleased to have his status corrected Bihari was also pleased with what he started with his Association of Dead People. ''In pursuing my battle, I had developed quite an identity,'' he recalls proudly. ''I became the leader of a movement. I knew I had other dead people to save.'' And while many of the members of the Uttar Pradesh Association of Dead People are still officially deceased, by 2004 4 of it's members had managed to have themselves declared alive.




1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lal_Bihari
2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Association_of_the_Dead
3. http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,2054133,00.html
4. http://www.nytimes.com/2000/10/24/world/azamgarh-journal-back-to-life-in-india-without-reincarnation.html?pagewanted=2&src=pm

Boom Shaka Laka

     Unless you have been extremely gifted by the gods, chances are that you have had something break down on you once or twice in your life. When that happened, did you ever have the desire to smack or beat it to try and get it to work? If you have, then you, like many of us, have had the urge to perform untrained percussive maintenance.

     Percussive maintenance is the name given to the art of beating on something until it works. The most famous example of this is the one provided by the Fonz from Happy Days. In the show, the character of the Fonz used his expertise to fix a jukebox among other things. While you may be tempted to believe that this mystical fix is fictitious, there are numerous examples of percussive maintenance working in real life.

     NASA, believe it or not, seems to be a big promoter of percussive maintenance. One particularly great example is from the Apollo 12 mission to the moon. The following is a conversation between astronaut Alan Bean and a member of the support crew on Earth, Edward Gibson:

Gibson: There’s no change down here, Al. (Pause) That’s coming in there, now, Al. Okay, what change did you make?

Bean: I hit it on the top with my hammer. I figured we didn’t have a thing to lose.

Gibson: Skilful fix, Al.

Bean: I hit it on the top with this hammer I’ve got. (Responding to Gibson) Yeah, that’s skilled craftsmanship.

That isn't the only example from NASA. During Apollo 16, a malfunctioning alarm light kept blinking until commander John Young tried kicking it. When he reported success, the response from Earth was "It's an old American custom: kick it if it doesn't work." More recently, astronauts Robert Curbeam and Sunita Williams spent quite a bit of time shaking and pushing a solar panel into its case so they could move it to a different location on the International Space Station in 2006

     The people at NASA aren't the only ones who've used percussive maintenance, the people at Apple have as well. Back in the early days of Apple, they released a computer called the Apple III. They hoped that it would give them inroads into the business market. However, the computer had one small problem, over time, the computer would heat up and that heat would cause the connections between the components to become loose and caused the owners of the Apple III no small number of headaches. Eventually it was discovered that if you picked up the computer about two to four inches off of the desk and dropped it, that would re seat the components and the computer would be back in working order.

    While many people in the past have used percussive maintenance to their benefit, beware when using it on modern machines and components. Most modern components tend to be on the delicate side of things and unless you know exactly what you are doing, you may just end up with something that is broke worse than it was. Any one can hit a broke machine, but unless you know where exactly to hit it you might want to hold off.





1. http://blogs.unimelb.edu.au/sciencecommunication/2010/09/21/just-give-it-a-good-whack/
2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Percussive_maintenance
3. http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/PercussiveMaintenance?from=Main.FonzarelliFix
4. http://www.hardwaresecrets.com/printpage/Inside-the-Apple-III/1563

Knock Knock!

     In modern English, the phrase "knocked up" is a less than proper way to say that a woman has gotten pregnant. However, during the industrial revolution that phrase had a completely different meaning.

     Timeliness has always been important, and never more so than since the start of the industrial revolution. Sure the machines were there, but if no one was there to run them, they did their owners little good. In order to ensure that they were awakened early enough to be on time for work, many people who lived in the heavily industrialized areas of England relied on the services of their neighborhood knocker-up man.

     The knocker-up man was a man that would go from house to house, knocking on doors and windows to "knock-up" the occupants. Since no one had alarm clocks at this time this would be how you could ensure that you would get up on time. For a small fee each week, the knocker-up man would go up to your door and beat on it with his truncheon until you awoke and opened the door. If you preferred him to knock on your window, he would use a bamboo rod to tap on the glass until you awoke.

     Often times, he knocker-up men were older gentlemen, but women and police who were already in the area on patrol were known to be knocker-up men to earn a little bit more. The knocker-up men weren't always independent  Many plants and mills employed knocker-up men for just their workers.

     As time moved on, eventually the knocker-up men were all put out of work as alarm clocks made their way through society. However, while the job has moved on, some people still retain the less modern usage of the phrase. In some smaller hotels in England, the desk clerks sometimes ask their lodgers if they would like to be knocked-up in the morning. Understandably this has been known to cause some confusion.


1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knocker-up
2. http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/48753
3. http://www.cottontown.org/page.cfm?pageid=1291&language=eng
4. http://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/11mido/til_that_before_alarm_clocks_were_invented_there/c6nrwq2

Ahoy! Ahoy!

     All over the world, the word, "Hello" will often be one of the first words spoken when a phone call is answered. It comes so natural to many of us, that we often say it without thinking. A friend or someone from your family calls, and the first thing they ask usually isn't, "How are you?" or, "How's the kids?" or even, "Can I borrow some sugar?", it's, "Hello?". There even seems to be some sort or unspoken rule that any other greeting lies somewhere in between being rude and angry.  Out of all the greetings that we have, why was this word picked as the one we use to answer the phone?

     It looks like the person who can take the credit for getting all of us to answer the phone with a, "Hello?" is Thomas Edison. Back in 1877, Edison was helping to bring the telephone system to Pittsburgh, Pa. when he produced the first account of, "Hello" spelled that way in the English language. Edison wrote a note to one of his partners suggesting that instead of having a bell ring on the telephone, the person calling would just shout, "Hello!" as, according to Edison, that word in particular could, "be heard 10 to 20 feet away". The word, "hello" seems to be derived from the word, "hullo" which was a slang word used to express that you were surprised as well as to call attention to something. Edison's spelling of, "Hullo" as, "Hello" seemed to stick at his Menlo Park research lab, and from there it spread as they worked on improving and expanding the telephone system.

     While it took time for, "Hello" to become the commonplace greeting, there was another greeting favored by the creator of the telephone, Alexander Graham Bell. Bell favored the greeting, which never really took off, of, "Ahoy! Ahoy!". That's something to keep in mind if you ever get tired of saying, "Hello", maybe, "Ahoy! Ahoy!" could be used on talk like a pirate day?







1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=7xXSw07zrio
2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hello
3. http://www.collectorcafe.com/article_archive.asp?article=800&id=1507
4. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Edison

The Devil's Dictionary

     The dictionary is one of the most common tools used when it comes to understanding or writing language. It is through the dictionary that we find the meanings of new words that we learn. Most people know about the regular dictionary, but not as many people know about the version intended for mature audiences, The Devil's Dictionary.
    
     The Devil's Dictionary first appeared, not as a book, but as a column in the San Fransisco based magazine The Wasp.The column would list 15-20 words that would have their definitions redone in a satirical manner. The editor and chief of the magazine, Ambrose Bierce, started writing the various entries for the dictionary in 1881. A total of 88 articles were written by the time Bierce left The Wasp in 1886. In 1887, Bierce took the job as an editor for the Examiner and changed the name of his column to The Cynic's Dictionary. Unfortunately, as the old name was left behind, so too was the column's regularity. The time between columns grew, and no new ones appeared after 1906.

     The same year that the column stopped, Bierce published a collection of the definitions under the name The Cynic's Dictionary. This book contained the definitions of 500 words in the first half of the alphabet, A through L. The book didn't regain the older more offensive title of The Devil's Dictionary, until a second volume of was published in 1911 that contained definitions for words from the rest of the alphabet. Bierce claimed that the reason the first volume was called The Cynic's Dictionary was his publisher had religious objections to later, "more reverent" title.

     Several examples of the words redone by Bierce are:

Conservative

(n.) A statesman who is enamoured of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.

Cynic

(n.) A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.

Lawyer

(n.) One skilled in circumvention of the law.

Religion

(n.) A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

Youth 

(n.) The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.

Youth is the true Saturnian Reign, the Golden Age on earth again, when figs are grown on thistles, and pigs betailed with whistles and, wearing silken bristles, live ever in clover, and cows fly over, delivering milk at every door, and Justice is never heard to snore, and every assassin is made a ghost and, howling, is cast into Baltimost! —Polydore Smith

     It is amazing just how many of the definitions that Bierce wrote over 100 years ago are still applicable today.







1. http://www.fun-with-words.com/devils_dictionary.html
2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devil%27s_Dictionary
3. http://www.thedevilsdictionary.com/

All doesn't really mean all sometimes

     A duo in England found out that just because the resturant says that it is all you can eat, it may not really be ALL you can eat. Friends George Dalmon and Andy Miles were recently barred from Gobi,one of their local all you can eat resturants in the city of Brighton in the U.K., for eating too much. At least that is the reason the owner of the resurant gave the two men.

     According to Dalmon, the owner of the restrant came up to their table and told them that they were, "disgusting, and we're eating him out of business, so we're nothing but filthy pigs. So, I was quite shocked about this and I asked him if he was joking and he replied 'no, I'm definitely not, I've had it with you two, that's it'."

     Co-owner Peter Westgate didn't appear to be the least bit appologetic when he said of the two friends, "Like when the shark shuts its eyes before it feeds, they're like that. They just get to the buffet and whatever happens they just pile it in. They muck the buffet up for everyone, they push and shuffle people from the barbecue area and it's pretty sad really, because you can eat all you like over five-and-a-half hours - it's not an issue, you don't need to rush."

     A simular incident happened earlier this year in the U.S. when Bill Wisth was eating at the all you can eat fish fry at Chuck’s Place in Theinsville, Wisconsin. Having eaten 12 pieces of fried fish, Bill was told that he was "cut off". The resturant said that supplies were starting to run low, but they were willing to send him home with eight more pieces. Tempers flared and things escalated to the point that police had to be called to remove Wisth from the resturant.

     According to the resturant, this isn't the first time that Wisth had problems with them. In previous visits to the resturant, they claimed that Wisth had been unable to pay his bill and the resturant allowed him to have his food for free.

      Several days later, Wisth returned and picketed the resturant to protest his treatment there. He was given a warning for disorderly conduct because of his protest. However, Wisth said that he planned to keep protesting every Sunday, "until the restaurant rethinks what happened."






1. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-19817457
2. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2211766/Hungry-diners-given-life-ban-eat-restaurant-dont-look-in.html
3. http://gawker.com/5910720/man-protests-all+you+can+eat-restaurant-after-getting-kicked-out-for-eating-too-much
4. http://krod.com/wisconsin-man-kicked-out-of-all-you-can-eat-fish-fry/
5. http://www.fox59.com/news/wxin-all-you-can-eat-wisconsin-man-kicked-out-of-all-you-can-eat-restaurant-for-eating-too-much-20120516,0,6600303.column

Banned

     Sunday, September 30th,  marked the start of Banned Books Week, a program sponsored by various groups to celebrate the freedom we have to express and exchange thoughts and ideas through the books in libraries and to highlight the challenges to those freedoms. One of the main groups behind this program is the American Library Association (ALA), a group of people whose goal is to help with the development, promotion, and improvement of libraries across America. The need to have such a program as Banned Books Week may be a surprise to many, as Americans will often decry censorship in it's many forms. The banning taking place in the U.S. is not official government censorship, but voluntary removal of books by libraries themselves due to public request. Since the 80's, there have been thousands of challenges issued that have called for books to be removed from libraries across America. Why are all these challenges being issued, how exactly is a book banned and what books are being called out?

     Most often parents are the ones who start the process to get a book banned, seeking to keep the contents of book from children. While parents wanting to protect their children is understandable, librarians have to keep everyone in mind. What is offensive to one parent may not be to another. It is for that reason that many libraries allow books to stay, even if a complaint has been received against it. The largest number of complaints libraries receive are about books that contain explicit sexual content. In many cases such as this the burden of proof lies not with the book's content, but with the offended party to prove that the book is obscene. This acts as a form of defense for the book as it requires the offended party to spell out what they find offensive about the work instead of just pulling the book straight off the shelf. Once that is done, the book banning process takes over from there.    

      Book banning is not as universal or as centralized as some may think. Anytime a book is banned, that ban applies to only to the library or library network that issued the ban and no others. The first step in a book being banned is for someone to issue a complaint. How this is done will vary on a library to library basis. Some may want a form filled out, while at others it may be as simple as telling the librarian that this book is offensive and needs to go. Once a complaint is filed it is up to the library to decide if the book stays or if it goes. How this is handled all depends on how the library is governed. If the library has a governing board then they will be the ones that have to decide, or if not, it may just be up to the librarian. Often times if the complaint comes into a school library instead of a public one, as is most often the case, then it will be up to a process defined by that school board to decide the books fate. However, just because a book has received a complaint that doesn't mean that the book is banned.

      Many complaints are filed each year, but most of them end up in the books favor and it is allowed to stay in the library. Most of the complaints about books are about obscene content they have, but before many libraries consider a book obscene and ban it, often times they will subject it to the Miller test. This test is named after one of the parties involved in a Supreme court case from back in the 70's. One of the questions brought up by that case was what constitutes obscenity. To answer that question, the court came up with a three question test to see if certain content was obscene. For a work to be considered obscene it must:
* Appeal to prurient interests when taken as a whole
* Involve patently offensive sexual conducts
* Contain no literary, artistic, political or scientific value
It is that last clause that has saved many a book from being banned. While they may have the first two checked off, only if a work can meet all three points is it considered obscene. Many books are sexual in nature, but the ones that have remained unbanned have been proven to have some literary or other value.

     With the process outlined above, what books have been the target of bans? Believe it or not, some of what are considered the classics of English literature have been banned in the past. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain was banned because of its coarse language. The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne was banned because some thought that it was pornographic. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald was banned due to language and sexual reasons. Today, the largest number of books that receive complaints fall into the category of books that are aimed at a Juvenile readership. Modern hits that fall into this category are the Harry Potter series and the Hunger Games series.




1. http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=manzo%2C%20kathleen%20kennedy.%20%22challenged.%22%20education%20week&source=web&cd=3&cad=rja&ved=0CDAQFjAC&url=http%3A%2F%2Fs640if.wikispaces.com%2Ffile%2Fview%2FManzo%2BChallenged.pdf&ei=rmZrUNulIZCArQGV-oHICg&usg=AFQjCNGtXabJwwsVgUowf-UJvVEsIKEcIg
2. http://people.howstuffworks.com/book-banning.htm
3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Challenge_(literature)
4. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_most_commonly_challenged_books_in_the_United_States
5. http://www.bannedbooksweek.org/
6. http://www.ala.org/advocacy/banned/frequentlychallenged/stats